Preparing Kids for a New Baby
By Kimberly Hicken
When a new baby enters the household, everything changes. Even though it’s a happy occasion, it is also stressful for everyone. Parents aren’t getting enough sleep. The baby doesn’t seem to have any sort of schedule. Mom isn’t feeling her best yet. And to add to this stress, older siblings often feel displaced and unsure of what their role is in the family. Luckily, there are things parents can do to help prepare children for the new baby.
Discussion
Talk to older siblings about the baby before it ever gets here. When you see other babies in public, point them out to the children and explain that before long, your family will also have a baby to care for.
Ask your children how they feel about having a new brother or sister. Don’t laugh at their answers or act disappointed if they don’t respond the way you are hoping. Instead, take their answers seriously and discuss these feelings with them. They might say something amusing like, “Well, I’d rather have a puppy.” While this answer is funny, now is not the time to laugh about it. Instead discuss with them about why they want a puppy. Then talk to them about how having a new sibling will be fun for them also.
As you discuss the new baby, explain to your older children that the baby will need a lot of time and attention. Tell them that if they start to feel ignored, to tell you so that you can give them extra time also. (And be sure to do it if they ask.) Also reassure your children that even though you have to spend a lot of time with the baby, they are also important and that your love for them hasn’t changed.
Role-Play
Some parents like to get older siblings a baby doll to play with so that they can learn about caring for a baby. This might be a great tool for your own family. Using the doll, you can teach the older sibling how to hold a baby and let him or her pretend to feed the baby doll a bottle. This can help with the transition when the new baby actually arrives.
Share the Planning
Let older sibling help prepare for the new baby. Let them help decorate the nursery. Even a two-year-old can help with painting. (Yes, it’s scary, but does it really matter if your child has green hair?) Take them to the store with you to pick up diapers and blankets. Let older siblings choose new outfits to buy for the baby. If older children are involved in the planning and preparation that is done in the months and weeks leading up to the new baby’s arrival, they will feel more included and are less likely to resent the new sibling.
Names
Let older siblings help brainstorm for names for the new baby. You don’t have to choose one of their names. You might already have a name picked out, but it’s still fun to hear their ideas. Let them feel like they are part of the naming process. Don’t shoot down their ideas or suggestions. Just smile and add them to the list. And who knows? They might give you an idea that you can use!
Excitement
Having a new baby is exciting. It’s a huge change for the family, but it’s still exciting. Be sure to let children feel your excitement. Try not to complain about how tired you feel. Refrain from expressing worry about how you can afford another child. In other words, try to keep negative emotions to yourself and express your happiness when communicating with the older siblings. Let your children see this new baby as something that will be positive and exciting and good for the entire family. Kids pick up on the emotions of the adults around them. If you are happy and excited, they will feel the same way. Let your children share your excitement.
Countdown
Of course, no one ever really knows when the baby will show up. Even if you are planning on being induced, the possibility is still there that they baby will choose to come early. However, it helps if children have some sort of concrete idea for when the baby comes. It’s fine to tell a child that you are expecting another baby, but keep in mind that seven or eight months can seem like a lifetime to a three-year-old. If you choose to tell your older children months in advance about the upcoming baby, give them some sort of concrete way of counting down. For example, show them the calendar and explain that the baby won’t come until the picture with the puppies shows up. Tell them that once that picture is on the calendar, then it will be close to time for the baby to come.
The tricky part comes when the calendar finally reaches that picture. At that point you have to somehow explain to the older siblings that now it’s almost time for the baby to come, but they still might have to wait a few days or even a few weeks before the baby actually arrives.
A Final Word
The main thing to remember is that you need to be sensitive to your older children’s emotions. Listen to them. Watch them. Talk to them. Be open with them. Let them freely express how they are feeling. Most of all, love them and reassure them that even though a new sibling is coming, your love for them will not change. They will still be an important part of the family. They are facing an unknown event. It will be life-changing for everyone, but if approached with care, it can be one of the happiest times ever. It can be an event that the older siblings will remember and treasure always.