Phrases of Empathy to Show You are Listening and Care

By Kimberly Hicken and May Anderson

One of the most important communication skills I ever learned had nothing to do with giving advice or solving problems. It was learning how to let people know I was truly listening.

When someone shares something difficult, our natural instinct is often to fix it. We offer suggestions, tell our own stories, or explain why things aren’t as bad as they seem. Although well-intentioned, those responses can unintentionally make the other person feel unheard.

Sometimes people aren’t looking for solutions. They’re looking for connection.

One simple way to create that connection is by responding with empathy before anything else. A short phrase like, “That must have been hard,” or “I’m so sorry that happened,” lets the other person know you understand how they feel. Once people feel heard, they’re often much more willing to continue the conversation and, if they want it, become open to advice later.

Here are some of our favorite empathy responses. They aren’t scripts to memorize, but ideas to help us become better listeners.

• Oh.
• I’ll bet that’s hard.
• That would hurt.
• I think I understand.
• Hmmmm.
• I think I might have felt the same way.
• That must be frustrating.
• I’m so sorry that happened to you.
• Wow!
• That’s interesting.
• What a difficult position to be in.
• That’s awful!
• I don’t blame you one bit.
• That’s wonderful.
• That was good.
• I’m happy along with you.
• I’m happy for you.
• That’s painful.
• I’ll bet that was difficult.
• I feel like crying too.
• What an awkward situation to be in.
• That was amazing.
• I’ll bet that was fun.
• That’s neat.
• I’ll bet you miss him (her).
• I would have been embarrassed too.
• That’s exciting.
• I never thought of that.
• What a good idea.
• What a good way to handle that situation.
• That just might be the best solution.
• Well, if that doesn’t beat all.
• Oh, my goodness.
• Oh, no! I know how much that meant to you.
• That’s a tough spot to be in.
• That’s a real bummer.
• That’s great!
• Tell me more.
• That’s got to be a real challenge.
• That’s awesome!
• Really?
• My feelings would have been hurt too.
• I would have felt angry too.
• That makes me feel sad too.
• That sucks!
• I see.

Basically, the idea is to come up with statements that relay the idea that you are listening. It should also make the person feel like you are interested and in many cases, they will feel like opening up more and sharing more.

The goal isn’t to say the perfect thing. The goal is simply to let another person know they matter.

I’ve found that conversations change when people feel understood. They become more open, more honest, and more willing to share what they’re really thinking. Sometimes the most meaningful response isn’t a brilliant piece of advice—it’s a simple acknowledgment that says, “I hear you.”

The next time someone comes to you with exciting news, disappointment, frustration, or heartache, resist the urge to immediately solve the problem. Instead, pause for just a moment and respond with empathy first.

You may be surprised how much that small change strengthens your relationships.