4 Ways to Cope With Going Back to Work After Baby 

By Viridiana Word 

I have always loved being a working mom. My career in education is a demanding one, but one that I have worked really hard to accomplish, and one that brings me a lot of joy and satisfaction. Despite the pride I take in the work that I do, however, I have always considered motherhood to be my greatest accomplishment. At the time of each of my babies’ births, there was always the daunting thought of the transition from caring for a newborn to the expectation of my continued role at my place of work. I discovered very early on that I am not meant to be a stay at home mom, and that I needed to be a productive member of society. Nevertheless, Maternity Leave can be one of those beautiful, exhausting, magical times in our lives that keep us in a trance of adoration for our newborn babies. For me, it was stages of nursing, cuddling, staring at my baby and longing for that beautiful toothless smile. Even though I love my career and I worked very hard to achieve and excel at it, the thought of having to part from my children as infants was always hanging over my head like a heavy rain cloud, waiting to drench me. Fewer things break a mother’s heart more than having to separate from our children, for any reason. Add to that the weight of Mother’s Guilt that society—and ourselves—put on working mothers, and you have a rollercoaster of emotions to deal with when you realize you must leave the nest and return to the real world. As a mother who returned to work as early as legally possible—sometimes because I financially needed to (baby #1 came when I was an undergrad, and baby #2 during grad school), and sometimes because I wanted to—I have gathered the best ways I have found to cope during the transition from home to the workforce, three times over. 

1.Know right off the bat that it is going to be a difficult (but worthy) journey. You will not get accustomed to juggling career and motherhood overnight. There, I said it. Here I am, 13 years after becoming a mother for the first time, and still figuring out how to best maintain order by managing a demanding career and three very active boys. It’s not an easy task, and it gets more and more complex with each child. In fact, being a working mother will be one of the most difficult journeys you embark on. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can predict obstacles you can plan for, and even be mentally prepared for the unexpected. Your energy will run low, and your self-defeating attitude will sometimes be high. Take pride, however, that you do the very best you can do, and that whatever it is you are doing, you are doing it for your family. Whether you work simply to provide, or because you want to give your child a great example of resilience and independence, know that the efforts you are putting forth are not in vain. Your children will thank you for them one day. 

2. Allow yourself time to grieve. The thought of going without those beautiful milestone moments can be incredibly daunting, and, at the very least, tear inducing. How can it be that I won’t watch my beautiful son fall asleep in my arms in the middle of the day? What do you mean we won’t go on those long sun-filled walks through a peaceful park? Even a hardworking, career-driven woman dreads being separated from her babes. The truth is, as much as I craved adult conversations and going back into my “normal” routine, I felt sad and guilty that I was leaving this fragile little human for what initially seemed like my own benefit. Then came the “I couldn’t do what you do…you’re so brave.” Insert eye roll here. Needless to say, the closer it came to going back to work—even though I love what I do—the more emotional I felt about it. What kept me from becoming a teary, slimy mess was allowing myself to, well, be a teary and slimy mess–beforehand. You have to allow yourself to be sad, bitter, angry, or whatever emotion you feel about your return. Otherwise, these emotions will surface at the most inconvenient times, trust me on this one, it’s not pretty. Reach out to friends that have gone through this, write it in a journal, join a support group (there’s tons of mom groups on Facebook) and just vent. When you let your emotions out, you feel much better, and you begin to process and heal from it sooner. 

3. When you do go back, take something that belongs to your baby with you. I wish I had realized how much this one mattered with my first two babies. In those moments when you miss your child the most—usually in the midst of the chaos of the day–holding a toy, a tiny shirt or even a blanket, makes the most difference for a mother longing for her baby. It brings you closer to your child, and I never thought I would enjoy the smell of baby drool on a blanket as much as I did when I tried this. So close your eyes, take in the small of your child and just breathe. Let this object take you back to those blissful days, and handle your business. If your child is in daycare or with a family member, ask for a quick update or photo. You will see that your child may very well be having a great time on his own, as hard as that is, knowing he is well taken care of makes the process much more bearable. 

4. –Allow for a soft landing. Remember, you have to be able to take care of yourself if you want to be able to function well at work and with your child. While transitioning back to work, give yourself some time to get settled in. Prepare yourself mentally a week or so before going back—start looking at your emails, perhaps accomplishing some small tasks here and there remotely, if you can. If you’re nursing, decide when, where, or if you will pump at work, and work those details out ahead of time. Do not try to dive in head-first or attempt to tackle everything right away. One of the biggest mistakes that new mothers make is trying to prove that they can handle everything at all times. In fact, it takes a stronger person to realize when to stop working and make time for a breather. Catch up on the most important tasks first, and leave anything non-urgent for later. Do not let the pressure of needing to catch up for “lost time” convince you that you are not at the same level as your colleagues. Remember, you went off and brought a beautiful human being into this world, and that is the biggest accomplishment of all.