Never Too Old

By Kimberly Hicken

I work at a youth correctional facility as an English teacher. Most of my students never had a real childhood. They grew up in families where drugs, alcohol, stealing, gangs, and prostitution were the norm and the reality. The focus for many of these kids was survival—safety, food, shelter. They didn’t have a chance to play children’s games. They didn’t have parents who would read to them. They didn’t have many of the things that I feel my own children take for granted.
As part of my curriculum, I try to instill in my students values and ideas to help them break the cycle. I regularly read children’s storybooks to them with the idea to let them experience what they have missed and to give them a glimpse of how they could parent their own children. When I read, I sit in a chair and they gather around me on the floor like a group of preschoolers. They listen to the story and look at the pictures. It’s funny to watch them. The first day a new kid comes to class, he will hang back or stay in his desk because he is “too old” for story time. As each day goes by, I’ll notice him creeping closer and closer to me until finally he is sitting at my feet with the rest of the class.

One day, one of my students asked me why I am such a good reader. She pointed out that I even change my voice for some of the characters. I told her that I practice. I said that every book I read to them, I have already read to my daughter at home.

The student said, “Really? How old is your daughter?”

“Fifteen,” I answered.

“Isn’t she too old to be read to?” asked my student.

I smiled and said, “How old are you?”

“Eighteen,” she answered promptly.

“And yet here I am reading to you,” I said. She laughed and admitted that maybe fifteen wasn’t too old after all. This brings me to the point of this article. Our kids will grow up and mature, but there are some things that they will never be too old for.

Reading:

            Kids are never too old to be read to. They might think they are, but they really aren’t. The key is to start reading to them when they are young and then never stop. The only thing that might change is the books. Even now, both my daughter and her brother who is a senior in high school enjoy having me read to them, especially their favorite childhood stories. However, we also read chapter books. My daughter and I have enjoyed such classics as the Little House Books, Where the Red Fern Grows, and some Shakespeare plays together.

            Several of my children have had me read assigned English books with them. We take turns reading or maybe I will read while they follow along. (Please don’t consider this cheating. In our school, the kids are allowed to listen to books on tape or engage the voice feature on their downloaded books.) As a result, I have read The Great Gatsby four times and To Kill a Mockingbird three times. The time we have spent together has been beneficial for our relationships, but also for the kids. They can stop me and ask me questions about characters and vocabulary. We discuss decisions made by the characters and how it relates to the real world today. Consequently, they come away with a better understanding of the book, and it gives me a chance to further instill the values I am trying to teach them.

            The bottom line here is that kids never get too old to be read to. In fact, when my oldest son takes his family on a road trip, his wife gets out a book and reads it to him while they drive. I’m sure as his kids get older, she will choose books that will interest them as well.

Physical Affection:

            Almost every kid goes through a phase where they don’t want to be hugged or kissed by their parents, especially in public. However, I’ve discovered that these kids still want that physical show of affection. The key is that a simple hug or a quick kiss needs to be something they have been receiving all along. It’s easy when they are babies. We hold them, we pat them, we smooth their soft, fuzzy heads, and we cuddle them to sleep. When do we stop doing this? I’m not really sure, but somewhere along the way, many parents stop cuddling their kids. Don’t be one of those parents. It’s important for kids to still get some physical attention. When my kids leave for the day, I give them each a quick hug. If they have been gone for a weekend, I give them a hug when they return. Sometimes, I’ll even sneak in a kiss on the cheek. Do they pull away? Sometimes, but usually not. I’m not saying that we have to be obnoxious about it. I’m just saying that everyone needs physical affection.

            Pay attention to your teenager. You might notice that when you are sitting watching a perfectly good television show, that he has a tendency to plop down on the couch right next to you so he can show you some YouTube videos of other people playing video games. (Yes, it’s boring, but he needs the attention.) If you move your focus to your son, you’ll realize that he’s not just sitting next to you, he’s sitting closely enough that you are touching. He needs that physical affection. Pat his head, pat his arm. Find what works for you.

I Love You:

We all need to be told “I love you.” Children, especially, are vulnerable and need this reassurance. I am amazed at the number of times when my kids have told me that they have friends who believe that their parents don’t like them. Growing up is difficult enough as it is. Friends betray them; teachers are unfair; people bully them. There should always be one constant: The knowledge that their parents love them no matter what.

            In our family, we say, “I love you” on a regular basis. In fact, I tell my kids I love them every time we are parting (going to work, school, etc.) and every time we hang up from the phone. My daughter once asked me why I do that. I told her, “Someday, it will be the last time we talk. After I’m gone, I want you to always be able to remember that the last thing I said to you was “I love you.”

Conclusion:

If you are already doing these things with your kid, keep doing it. Don’t stop. They might act like they are too old for such things, but they aren’t. These three simple things will greatly improve your relationship with your children.

If you aren’t already in the habit, it’s not too late to start. Find a fun children’s book that you can read quickly and ask if you can share it with your kids. Tell them that you love it and you want to share it with them. If you aren’t used to physical affection, try a quick side hug, a fist bump, or even a pat on the head or the arm. It’s not as awkward as it sounds. Finally, take every opportunity to say “I love you.” Your kids might ask what is wrong with you, and they probably won’t say it back, but that’s okay. The important thing is that they heard you say it.

If you still think your kids are too old, look at it in this light? Are you too old to enjoy a story with your child? Or to have them give you a hug? Are you too old to have your kids tell you that they love you? If you’re not too old, then neither are your kids. After all, you’re older than they are!