Three things you should never feel guilty about as a working mom
By Viridiana Word
Society puts a lot of pressure on moms in general. We are constantly judged, questioned, criticized for the way we raise our children, the discipline methods we use, breastfeed or formula feed, whether we let them have screen time. Add to that the stress of being the type of mom that goes outside the home to earn a living, and we find ourselves having to justify an array of decisions that should really just be ours to make. In my years as a working mom, I have finally made the choice to gift myself some freedom from society’s judgmental eye, and have decided, once and for all, three things that I know I should never, ever feel bad about as a working mom.
- Choosing to work.
Whether you work to pay the bills or are at your dream job, there is a certain sense of satisfaction that comes with knowing you bring home a paycheck. As a first generation college student, the idea behind getting an education was not only to be able to provide for my children, but also to find a life that has meaning, including a career that brings me joy and satisfaction. Consequently, there exists a tiny yet annoying voice in the back of my head that reminds me of the things others have said to me as I proudly boast about being a working mama. “You should be with your children more,” it pesters me. “Why do you even have kids if you are just going to have others raise them?”
Sound familiar? The truth is, societal roles that had been established decades before of what a mother’s traditional role is supposed to look like still linger. As a result, there is always a guilt that is associated with having women—who are supposed to be the caretakers of the family—working outside the home. In turn, working moms always beat ourselves up, often wondering whether we are doing a good enough job at both being mothers and at our actual jobs. What’s worse, we do this to each other: stay at home moms and working moms constantly attack each other.
However, research has widely shown that children who grow up with working mothers enjoy the same amazing perks as those whose moms stay at home. Moreover, children of working moms grow up to be more independent, hard-working, and even better leaders. How can they not? They have a great example of hard work and resilience right at home!
So, if you are anything like me, and sometimes get down on yourself for your choice to leave the home and bring in a paycheck, stop it. Take pride in knowing that you are providing a great example for your children. They are witnessing the pride you take in your work, and that is a great image to look up to.
- Giving yourself a break.
Whenever you board an airplane, you are instructed to, in case of an emergency, place the overhead oxygen mask on yourself first, before you try to help someone else put on theirs. These instructions are parallel to the norms working mothers should live by. Despite our unwavering belief that we could do it all, these antics will one day catch up with us, if we do not take the time for some self-care. If one decides to place the metaphorical oxygen mask on someone else before herself, she will soon be out of oxygen, unable to help anyone else.
It may seem counterproductive to take a time out amidst the constant, endless chaos that surrounds working moms. Regardless, it is an important skill to master. So, take a leisurely walk to clear your mind. Take time out of your day to engage in a creative outlet. Give yourself a mini-facial at home. For God’s sake, read a fun book! Whatever you decide to do to take care of yourself, know that you have every right to be a little selfish sometimes. Taking ourselves out of our stress to breathe and recharge is essential to keeping ourselves going and functioning properly. At the end of the day, the things we do for ourselves are going to benefit our children in the long run.
- Not having the perfectly tidy house.
At the end of a long day of work and chauffeuring children from one activity to the next, the last thing I want to think about is picking up toys and clothes and other messes. With three growing sons, our space is bound to look messy, and I’m okay with that. Backpacks, shoes, school uniforms, and sports equipment inundate our hallways and, while my boys are always instructed to pick up after themselves, it is not uncommon to have someone over and step on a couple Legos. However, the very fact that my house is never squeaky clean is something that seldom phases me. A room in disarray says, “children live and play here.” And I’m not sorry about it. Expecting a household of two working parents and multiple children to be constantly squeaky clean is not only unrealistic, but incredibly unfair. Personally, I’d much rather spend my time playing with my children than obsessing over how my home will appear to others. In the end, the laughter and joy you experience with your family amidst the mess and chaos is the most important thing in the world.