Family Stories

By Kimberly Hicken

            My great-great-great grandfather was the first settler in the small town where I grew up. The town was named after him. My grandfather used to ride a horse to school. My father’s first car was one that he shared with his brother. It was a Model-T Ford. When my father was born, his sister (my aunt) thought that he was her Christmas present from Santa. (He was born in December.) I was once bitten by a dog when I was Ding-Dong-Ditching houses, but I never told my mom about because I knew I wasn’t supposed to be ringing doorbells and running away.

            These are just a few of the stories that are part of my heritage and my children’s heritage. As a child growing up, one of my favorite things was when my mom or my dad would tell me stories. My favorites were the ones about when they were little or stories about me when I was younger.

I remember many happy evenings when I would climb into my dad’s lap and say, “Daddy, tell me a story about when you were a little boy.” Sometimes he would. Other times, he would be too tired. He worked as a farmer on top of a full-time job. On the nights when he was too tired, he would say, “I’ll tell you a story about Jack and Lori. Now my story’s begun. I’ll tell you about a calf. That’s half. I’ll tell you about a wall. That’s all.” And that would really be the end of the story. I would moan and say, “No, Daddy! Tell me a REAL story!” Today, I realize that even that little poem was a real story. It is part of my legacy, and I have repeated it often to my own kids, so that they can repeat it to theirs.

WHY TELL STORIES:

            A few months ago, I was reading an article about family stories and children. I don’t remember where I read the article. I don’t remember who it was by. I can’t find it again to give credit to the source or to refer other people to it. You’ll just have to take my word for it that I really read this article. 😊 Anyway, in the article, the authors stated that there seemed to be a correlation between kids who stay out of trouble and knowing family stories. Apparently, kids who have been told stories about their family are less likely to get arrested than those who have never been told any family history stories. The authors theorized that perhaps this was because kids who know stories from their family history feel some sort of connection to their family and to their ancestors which makes them less likely to get in trouble.

            Since I work at a youth correctional facility, I wondered how much truth there was to this. Just for fun, I asked some of my students about their family history. Most of them didn’t know any stories from their parents’ or grandparents’ pasts. For example, one young lady’s grandparents came to the United States from Hungary when they were young. They didn’t speak any English. Her entire family still speaks Hungarian. She didn’t know why the family moved to the US, just that they did, and that’s why Hungarian is spoken in the home. I challenged her to ask. Eventually, she learned that her grandparents came over as children during World War II. They met in this country and married. Their families came to escape Hitler because they were gypsies. She was excited to find out a little bit of her family’s history, and she was fascinated by the details. Now, I don’t know if having a knowledge of her family’s history would have kept her out jail, but it might have. According to the article, that connection would have made her want to spend more time at home with family and less time with negative friends.

WHAT KINDS OF STORIES:

            I have discovered that children are fascinated with any type of story from their family history. When my children were growing up, I told them stories about their grandparents, about me when I was a little kid, and about them when they were toddlers. Today, I like to tell my grandchildren stories about their parents, especially about the times when their parents did something silly.

            Most of the stories I told were true stories. Occasionally, I would make up a story…Or did I? Maybe my dog really did talk and really did own a helicopter! Whatever stories I told, my kids loved listening to them. I discovered that the more details I gave, the better the story. They liked to hear about the piano lessons my cousin and I had before we decided to go Ding-Dong-Ditching when I got bit by the dog. They liked to hear the conversations that went on between my dad, his brother, and their mother when they sneaked out with the old Model T one night. They enjoyed hearing about what was in my backpack when I went for a hike and discovered a cave with gnomes in it.  😊

WHEN TO TELL STORIES:

            Stories can be told anytime, but our family’s favorite time for stories was on long car trips. I could make a three-minute event last twenty minutes by adding lots of details. The kids would hang on to every word. I still remember how big their eyes would get when I would describe the dog baring his teeth right before it bit me. The best part of storytelling on car trips was that the kids didn’t fight or pester one another while they were listening to the stories. Their minds were occupied by the adventures of the main character of the story. Also, it didn’t matter if they’d heard the story before. Just like with favorite children’s books, my kids had their favorite stories that they wanted to have me tell and retell.

            Stories don’t have to be limited to car trips. My dad told his stories at night before bedtime. I’ve also told stories in the tent while camping, on hikes or neighborhood walks, or just sitting on the couch waiting for the power to come back on. That’s the beauty of oral stories. They can be told anytime and anywhere.

OTHER BENEFITS:

            Besides giving children a sense of connection, there are other benefits to telling stories. Stories can help improve children’s vocabularies. Sometimes, as I tell a story, I will stop and explain what a particular word or phrase means so that my kids will more fully understand the events or the dialogue.

Storytelling helps children learn good communication skills. You will discover as you tell stories that your children will begin to retell the stories themselves to younger siblings, nieces and nephews, friends, and stuffed animals. All of this helps build communication skills.

            Stories can also teach valuable lessons. When I got bit by the dog, I made several mistakes that come out in the story. First of all, I always explain to my listeners that I knew I shouldn’t be Ding-Dong-Ditching. I always say: “My mom taught me better than that. She always said, You don’t know what’s going on behind that closed door. Maybe it’s someone who is very sick, and they crawl out of bed to answer the door, and no one is there. Maybe it’s someone with a new baby, and you wake up the baby when you ring the doorbell. Maybe it’s a little old grandma who never gets company, and you ring the doorbell and she is excited to have a visitor, but when she opens the door, nobody is there. Think how sad and disappointed she must be.” As I would explain this to my audience, I would see the kids shake their heads knowingly. They understood that I was breaking a rule and that there was a good reason for the rule.

            At the end of the story, I tried to teach an even more powerful lesson. I never told my mom I got bit by the dog. Instead of telling her, I suffered in silence. It was a pretty bad bite. It went through my jeans and broke the skin. I still have the scar to prove it. If I had told my mom, she could have alleviated my pain, but even more, she could have helped with my mental suffering.

It was my bad luck that two nights after being bitten, Old Yeller was on television, and I watched it. At the end of the show, Old Yeller, the family dog, gets bitten by a rabid animal and turns rabid himself. After watching the show, I was worried that I would get rabies as well. Instead of telling my mom what had happened, I looked up the symptoms for rabies in an old 1953 medical book. As soon as I saw the symptoms, I started “developing” them myself. I was positive I was going to die!

I end the story by pointing out to my children that my mom wouldn’t have been mad, that she would have been understanding. She would have wanted to help me and take care of me. She wouldn’t have punished me because the dog bite was punishment enough. (I never Ding-Dong-Ditched again after that experience.) Instead, she would have been happy that I told her and gave her the opportunity to help me because she loved me. Then I tell my kids, “If you make a mistake, don’t be dumb like I was and keep it a secret. Tell me about it, so I can help you. I want what’s best for you. I can help you if you let me.”

I don’t know if my kids completely learned both lessons. I know my son Ding-Dong-Ditched with friends. (They weren’t quite fast enough running away.) However, I have found that over the years, my kids have come to me and told me when they’ve made a mistake. Together, we have found a way to solve the problem.

THE LEGACY:

Today, I am pleased to see my children retelling the old stories to my grandchildren. The stories, the poems, and even the favorite songs are being passed down to another generation. The connection is being made. The lessons are being taught. My grandchildren might still Ding-Dong-Ditch, but hopefully they will know that they can go to their parents for help with their problems.